Already December

Its already end of 2019 and I still haven't posted any meaningful things. Well, I'm pretty much busy with my real life, and on the other side I keep forgetting to write some update. 
Currently I'm busy with my fangirl life and personal life. Most of my friends know that I'm a Carat, fan of South-Korea Boyband called Seventeen. I just watched their concert 2 weeks ago (Middle of November) in Istora Senayan. The concert is as usual Seventeen type: Attractive, Charming, and Nerdy. Maybe I will write about Seventeen and my fangirl activity on the next post, hopefully by this December. 

Also, I've been busy with my mind and my real life. Lots of worry came to my mind. Many things happen with myself, my family, my friends, and also my work. Honestly, I'm struggling so much. Not because the things that happen, but the things I'm worried about. Worry about my job, my friend who's getting married, my friends who's going to be a mother next year, my friends who's having some hard times with her marriage life, and my friends who's living far from Indonesia. And also, worry about my own love life. That will be a long essay if I write about my love life I think. Maybe later I will write it, but not sure since I will pretty much forget what to write once my hand is lay on the keyboard. 

2019 is near the end. Hopefully I can end it with happiness, just like how it starts. I wish everyone will find their happiness, and also I sincerely pray I will find my happiness soon. 

See you in 2020! 

Hug

Secretly laughing, secretly crying

While hiding my state of mind

The day that seems too much for me passes by

Today, too, the words can't be said

And can only be reflected in one's heart

It's hard, it's hard, it's hard

Whenever it's hard for you

You can get a hug from me

I am the same

No matter how much you hide it

You know you can't hide it forever

So we can smile together

Don't be sorry, don't worry

Don't be scared, now don't cry

To me you are very precious

You can tell me today was tough

I am here, you suffered a lot

I love you

I will hug you

-A Song by Seventeen, Title: Hug-

I wish someone will sing this song for me, wholeheartedly.

끝이 안보여

Can’t see the end, the questions continue, I ask myself again and again
If I can endure through these things, then as if it’s nothing, I say, why can’t I?
Actually, it’s been really hard.
The fact that there’s not a single person who will listen to my secrets that I’ve been keeping makes me sad
This reality makes me cry.

Can’t see the end
I ran all the way from the start without rest, but why?
Where did my usual self go? What am I chasing after every day?
I pray every day that it won’t be a lie when I say I’m ok, but why are the expectations so high?
I wipe away the bursting tears, I think of my family and dream once again







Can’t see the end, leave me alone. Actually, I’m miserable.







Feels like I’m floating in space, I don’t know where to go









But the stars far away pull me
I Can Feel It, I feel like I can be a light


-Translation lyrics of "Seventeen - Can't See The End"-

Home

I see your sad back hidden behind the flashy lights and busy schedules
For your heavy shoulders as you worry about what you want to do and what you have to do

For you, who lays in a dark room alone, not able to love the person you love

For you, who is holding on to your heart that is collapsing in reality

and is going forward once again

When I hear your footsteps, greeting you with a smile
That is the only gift that I could give you

Are you feeling sick anywhere? Was it hard?
Don’t worry about me, I just need you to be okay
When your heart is aching, when no one is there for you, just come here. 

Roy Kim - Home

Thanks God, He introduce me to Roy Kim's songs. I've been in hard days recently and Roy Kim's songs are good source of strength. Its like his songs are telling a story of mine. Listening to his voice makes me warm and comfortable. Even though it didn't change anything, but at least i feel strong enough to face this life. Also, he can always makes me smile because of his cuteness and weirdness. 

사랑에 빠지고 싶다

I exercise, and I work hard I watch movies every weekend too Going to the bookstore, falling into the book, and my heart palpitates at another strange world
A life like this seems pretty fine, and I am living really good But,
Why I'm so lonely?
Tears come into my eyes

My life seems so fantastic then,
Loneliness comes, and asks me:
Are you really happy at this moment?

I answer:
I'm very lonely
What is the reason for my existence? What is love? I've been always curious about it I'm so lonely living my life
What is life? Why is it so lonely?

-A song by Kim Johan-


사랑에 → Love
빠지고 → Falling
싶다 → Want

Quick Random Post #26

There's no easy way, it gets harder each day.
Please love me or I'll be gone.

The Manual

Gently, romantically, and warmly hug her

Use this once every day

When your soft eyes meet hers, smile

Makes her laugh and say "Hey what’s up beauty", 

Get up first in the morning, turning on jazz

Gentle kiss,and looking at her

  

When you’re too tired, take two bottles of soju

And honestly knock on her door

Sometimes, leave together without a plan

Let her breathe under a different sky, a different wind

Sometimes just kiss her out of the blue

Just like the day you fell for her without reason

When it’s time to sleep, with a low voice, quietly, make her tear as you say

that you're grateful for her everyday

Get up first in the morning and clean up mess last night,

and wake her up

When you’re walking her home, don't walk too fast

With a low voice, confess to her

I’m rational in front of other girls

But strangely with her I'm always emotional

She is too precious to use

Just looking at her drives me crazy

I want to use you forever

Oh my girl

Gently, romantically, and warmly hug her

Use this once every day

When it’s time to sleep, quietly make her tear as you say

that you're grateful for her everyday

This beautiful girl, don’t lose her.

Song by: Eddy Kim

Translation taken from popgasa and KBSWorld

Quick Random Post #25

I thought that people only got lost when they tried to go somewhere and I thought that people's lives only got hard because they set objectives. 

But staying in the same place for too long makes you lose your way too.



Quotes from "Age of Youth", Korean Drama Series

Quick Random Post #24

Ternyata Bukan Jodohnya

Layaknya orang yang akan naik angkutan umum. Ketika mencoba memberhentikan angkutan di pinggir jalan, si sopir melaju tidak memperhatikan calon penumpang. Angkutan umum berlalu begitu saja, calon penumpang sedih karena gagal naik angkutan umum untuk pulang ke rumahnya. 

Namun yang si calon penumpang tidak tahu, dia hampir saja naik angkutan yang salah, angkutan itu tidak sesuai dengan jurusan jalan ke rumahnya. 

Sama saja seperti jodoh. 

You

I'm trying my best not to stuck on you, but you always in my head everyday. When I'm on my way home, I think of what are you doing now, have you arrived safely to your home, or what kind of task that makes you got home late from the office. 

I just can only wondering about these, because I don't have any courage to ask you directly. And even I ask you, you're not going to tell me, you always give silly answer for my question. 


Until now, I don't know where all this feelings going to. I hope you show me the way and it's end in you. 

I hope it's you. 
I hope it's me. 

My Old Post

#random

3 November 2010 at 18:11

PublicFriendsOnly MeCustomFamilyPT. Asuransi IndrapuraSee all lists...PT. Adira Quantum MultifinanceBogor, Indonesia AreaGo Back

Saya bukan kamu dan kamu juga bukan saya.

Saya tidak bisa menjadi seperti kamu dan kamu juga tidak bisa menjadi seperti saya.

Jangan paksa saya untuk menjadi seperti kamu karena saya tidak pernah memaksa kamu untuk menjadi seperti saya.

Biarkan kita berkembang menurut keyakinan kita masing-masing karena lagi-lagi keyakinan saya bukan keyakinan kamu dan keyakinan kamu juga bukan keyakinan saya.

Bukan saya ingin membeda-bedakan kita, tapi saya rasa apa yang berbeda di antara kita itulah yang membuat kita bisa bersatu, seperti potongan puzzle yang memiliki bentuk yang berbeda-beda tapi saling melengkapi satu sama lain.

Yang saya harapkan, jangan sampai hanya karena apa yang berbeda di antara kita membuat hubungan kita tidak bisa berjalan searah. Saya yakin kita memiliki tujuan yang sama, tapi memang kita punya cara sendiri-sendiri untuk sampai sana. Dan dalam perjalanan itu kita mungkin akan saling bertemu dan betukar informasi mengenai rute terbaik yang harus dipilih.

Jalan saya dan jalan kamu mungkin berbeda, tapi saya yakin arah perjalanan kita sama.



I happen read some of my facebook notes and found this post. Never thought I can read this kind of post. Seems like I have an argue with my friend and then I expressed my emotion through this post.

Just wanna share to you since I think it's a good post that will help you to understand people and life. 

2015

Minggu lalu saya sempat mengatakan kalau tahun 2014 yang saya lalui jika diibaratkan cerita adalah sebuah cerita yang hampir bisa disebut berakhir sedih (sad ending). Tapi ternyata saya salah, novel ini tidak berakhir sedih. Ada senyuman di akhir tahun 2014 karena saya berhasil mendapatkan pekerjaan baru. Jadi, novel ini berakhir bahagia. 

Semoga tahun 2015 ini bisa saya lalui dengan penuh senyuman. Saya tahu akan jadi tahun yang sulit karena saya harus mulai beradaptasi lagi dengan lingkungan dan pekerjaan baru. Tapi saya harus yakin kalau saya akan bertahan dan justru akan banyak pelajaran baru yang berguna untuk hidup saya. 

Terkadang kita harus memaksa diri keluar dari zona nyaman untuk mengembangkan diri kita. Kita tidak akan tahu batasan diri yang sebenarnya apabila kita tidak mencobanya. 

2015, Please be nice! ^^

My December

13 hari menuju akhir tahun 2014. Jika diibaratkan novel, hidup saya di tahun 2014 ini adalah novel yang hampir bisa disebut sad ending. Saya memulai tahun 2014 dengan tantangan berupa kerjaan baru, dan selama 2014 itu hidup saya ya hanya seputar pekerjaan saja. Soal bos saya, aktivitas di kantor, dan teman-teman kantor. Kalo awal tahun itu permulaan saya bekerja, maka akhir tahun ini (sedihnya) adalah akhir dari pekerjaan saya itu juga. Jangan tanya kenapa saya harus mengakhirinya. Yang pasti bukan karena bos saya, bukan karena teman kantor, dan bukan karena aktivitas saya di kantor. 

Hampir setiap awal bulan di tahun ini, saya mendapat berita mengejutkan dan menyedihkan yang membuat saya lelah dan kepayahan. Namun, rasanya Desember ini yang paling berat. Bukan hanya di awal bulan, tapi sampai pertengahan bulan pun saya masih merasakan sakitnya. Saya hanya berharap di akhir bulan Desember, seiring dengan perayaan Natal, saya bisa melewati dengan hati bahagia dan penuh syukur. 

Di awal memang saya sebut novel ini hampir bisa disebut sad ending karena memang tahun ini belum berakhir. Saya harap sih tidak berakhir dengan sad ending, melainkan happy ending atau kalau boleh super happy ending. Semoga dengan happy ending di akhir tahun ini, saya bisa mengawali tahun depan dengan lebih bahagia dan bersemangat. 

Tunggu sampai 1 Januari 2015, saya akan beritahu bagaimana "novel" ini berakhir.

Semoga ada pelangi setelah hujan deras ini. 

Cheer Up

Cheer up, life is all like that
There a lot of hard and painful days
But they say life is good
You did well today too

How have you been? 
Did you have another drink today?
Even if you feel like nothing is working and want to sigh, don't be sad
We don't know which cloud has rain
In life, good things will come to you

Do you envy your next door?
Is your friend doing well these days?
Everyone else look so happy, but don't be sad
If you look closely they have their stories
What's so special? they're all similar

Cheer up, life is like that
You don't know what will happen in the world
But they say life is great
Cheer up for tomorrow, everyone

-Hong Jin Young, Cheer Up!-

왜 나는 혼자만?

손 잡고 걸을 사람 하나 없는 내게

오 사랑노래들이 너무해

나만 빼고 다 사랑에 빠져 봄노래를 부르고

꽃잎이 피어나 눈 앞에 살랑거려도

남들보다 절실한 사랑 노래 가사를 불러 봐

수많은 연인들 가운데, 왜 나는 혼자만?

Quick Random Post #20

Cinta memang banyak bentuknya, mungkin tak semua bisa bersatu..

cr: Tulus - Sepatu

Quick Random Post #19

Pink

Saya heran ada apa dengan saya dan warna pink akhir-akhir ini. Pink memang sudah lama jadi salah satu warna favorit saya, tapi warna itu sempat terlupakan karena ada warna biru. 

Sepertinya dimulai dari 2 bulan yang lalu, saya membeli seprei baru berwarna pink. Hm, mungkin lebih tepatnya sejak kembali jadi anak kos 5 bulan yang lalu, dinding kamar saya berwarna pink (secara tidak sengaja pastinya). Lalu, sekarang-sekarang ini, saya baru membeli cat kuku dan lipgloss pink. (ya, saya sepertinya sudah mulai lebih memperhatikan penampilan akhir-akhir ini; bedak, lotion, lipgloss jadi teman saya setiap sebelum memulai bekerja setiap pagi. Ini karena himbauan teman kantor yang bilang kalo saya harus mulai memperhatikan penampilan, apalagi saya setiap hari banyak bertemu orang untuk keperluan interview). Kebetulan warna lipgloss dan cat kuku yang saya gunakan sekarang ini senada.

Saya baru saja tersadar sendiri mengapa barang yang saya beli bernuansa pink. Kalo bisa dikategorikan, pink yang saya maksud ini pink bunga mawar, yang kalo kata saya sih kesannya muda dan romantis. Kalo ada yang pake produk kosmetik r****n, warna pink yang saya maksud adalah pink lipgloss bernama pinkissimo rosissme *kalau tidak salah*.

Warna pink ini terkesan romantis dan identik dengan warna jatuh cita ataupun hati berbunga-bunga. Saya jadi bertanya-tanya kenapa saya sedemikian banyak berhubungan dengan warna ini? Rasa-rasanya hati saya tidak sedang berbunga-bunga (walaupun tidak sedang sedih juga), apalagi kalo dibilang jatuh cinta. Saya memang sempat jatuh cinta, tapi itu kemarin, sekarang saya malah sedang mencoba move on, tapi rasanya cukup sulit. Saya masih berharap, tapi kok sepertinya harapan itu akan berakhir sia-sia.  

Jadi, ada apa dengan saya dan warna pink? Entahlah. 

Echo

Echo, Echo, Echo
`What kind of man are you! You keep on thinking all the girls are yours!'

I’ve never met a person like you, you make my heart flutter
But all you do is think about other girls
I can see it with my eyes

Thinking all the girls belong to you
Assuming that everyone will like you

The good people around are oblivious
here and there you are sweet

Echo Echo Echo Echo
Your voice keeps on bothering me like an Echo Echo Echo in my mind
I tried to block it but it’s like an Echo Echo Echo Echo
It wasn’t meant for me but why am I acting like an idiot and it’s like an Echo Echo Echo in my brain
It sounds as if you’re talking to me, now i’m beginning to like you

It’s a crime to be clueless
No matter how much I shout in my mind
I can’t hear it because it’s part of the penalty
But it’s not easy to give up either
You start your game once you leave home
Girls who are passing by are so fine.
Then you have lots of excuses when your caught
Here and there your sweet words

If you wish for the best for us then throw your hands up!
If you think you can treat me better than he did, then throw your hands up!

Echo Echo Echo Echo
Your voice keeps on bothering me like an
Echo Echo Echo in my mind
I tried to block it but it’s like an
Echo Echo Echo Echo
It wasn’t meant for me but why am I acting like an idiot and it’s like an
Echo Echo Echo in my brain
It sounds as if you’re talking to me, now i’m beginning to like you.

Your voice keeps bothering me
Hey you womanizer, try to be nice to me!

cr: here