Catatan ke Dua Puluh Delapan

Andai saja, saya punya keberanian untuk mengatakan kalau saya kecewa. 
Andai saja, saya mampu mengutarakan betapa sedihnya saya di hari itu. 
Andai saja, saya tidak membiarkan mereka melakukan hal itu kepada saya. 

Tapi setelah saya pikir. Saya harus berhenti memikirkan itu semua. Saya harus berhenti mencari alasan. Saya harus mulai mengerti bahwa saya bukan matahari untuk siapapun. Saya adalah matahari untuk diri saya sendiri. Saya yang memutuskan kebahagiaan apa yang ingin saya rasakan. Saya yang memegang penuh kendali emosi diri saya. 

Ah. Andai semuanya ini mudah dilakukan, mungkin saya tidak akan seperti semalam.  

Di catatan ke dua puluh delapan ini saya terus berusaha mengubah pola pikir saya, bahwa saya sendiri yang bertanggungjawab atas kebahagiaan saya, bukan dia, bukan mereka, bukan kalian. 

Dan di akhir catatan ke dua puluh delapan ini saya berpikir apakah catatan ke dua puluh sembilan saya akan berakhir sama seperti catatan ke dua puluh delapan? 

180819

First in 2018

Work and Life Balance.
I try so hard to reach that point in my life. I've tried to find a new job and new office in order to achieve it. Its been 4 months since I moved to the new place, but I haven't reach that point (yet). As time goes by, I found that a new place is not the answer. So, I need to find another thing to reach that point.

Do you have any suggestions?

Random Favorite Lyrics #5

To you in the future 
Without regrets
I always wanna wait
That way, my heart will be at ease
Although you lose the way
Though it will take long
While you're going round and round 
But its fine if you find me again
Even if its far in the future

But still, don't cry
Though it will be sad
I will faintly stay here for you


Taken from Seventeen Vocal Team's Song - Pinwheel
credits: here

끝이 안보여

Can’t see the end, the questions continue, I ask myself again and again
If I can endure through these things, then as if it’s nothing, I say, why can’t I?
Actually, it’s been really hard.
The fact that there’s not a single person who will listen to my secrets that I’ve been keeping makes me sad
This reality makes me cry.

Can’t see the end
I ran all the way from the start without rest, but why?
Where did my usual self go? What am I chasing after every day?
I pray every day that it won’t be a lie when I say I’m ok, but why are the expectations so high?
I wipe away the bursting tears, I think of my family and dream once again







Can’t see the end, leave me alone. Actually, I’m miserable.







Feels like I’m floating in space, I don’t know where to go









But the stars far away pull me
I Can Feel It, I feel like I can be a light


-Translation lyrics of "Seventeen - Can't See The End"-

Random Quick Post #30

Kau seperti malaikat pelindungku, berikan cahaya di setiap sepiku. Namun mengapa kau hempaskan aku?